The Cry of my Heart

Well, I have to admit, this post started off as an examination of the Star Trek series and how it teaches us what it means to be human, but I guess I had something weighing on my heart. I promise, the star trek morality discussion is coming but I need to take a break from the nerdiness for a minute.

Over the past month I have taken an inventory of my life. I looked at what I have accomplished over the past three years and was disappointed. I’m still fighting to finish college, I struggle to hold on to my own principles, and I fight to gain my maturity. When I was a 19, I thought there would be nothing better than turning 20. I thought, once I drop the label, ‘Teenager’, my life would finally start to click into place. So I went along my way making plans and setting goals. Then the day came, finally I turned 20 and I was an ‘Adult’. But when I turned around there was no magic scrubbing bubbles transition. I was in the same place. So I started analyzing again. I was now 20, single, and working at McDonalds as a crew trainer.

So then I thought, “Ok, it must not be 20, it must be 21 when you become an adult.” So I set more goals and made more plans. This time I got a new job, and began to build better relationships with my friends. But still there was no magic. My life felt the same with just some minor improvements. So now what do I do. Do I say, “22, that’s it, that’s when everything is going to change”?

I know we all have these issues and we all examine our lives ready to cut ourselves down. But please, read on.

Over the past month I have taken an inventory of my life. I have looked over the past three years of my life and I am hopeful. I no longer work in fast food. I have deeper relationships than I have ever had with the people around me. I’m still single but after several failed attempts I’m still out there. I have loved deeper and learned to live in the moment. It’s only now that I realize, there is no magic change to who you will become, it’s a journey filled with ups and downs. Who we are is defined by how we ride those waves. I know I’ve been told that over and over but it never really hits home until you see it in your own life.

One might say. “Dave, what does this all mean. Why did you just cram a bunch of thoughts together in an almost coherent way?” I have always thought that different sayings like ‘Life is a dangerous adventure’ or ‘Life is a voyage’ were just meaningless rhetoric. And for the most part they are. They are fun little sayings to put on your facebook page or blog to make you seem deep. But if you take what these extraordinary people said and apply it to your own life, you will see a deeper meaning and purpose.

So I am going to put a small quote by one of my favorite authors on this blog and other facets of social networking. It’s about setting goals for your life and working to reach them. And whether you think I’m right or just crazy I think you all should take a look at it. I’m not trying to boost myself or try to get people to care about me or my troubles. I just want everyone to see that, while your life may seem dismal now or you may feel that there is no hope for the future, look where you have come from. Take inventory of your life so far and see that, while there have been hardships, you have endured.

Like I said before, I can’t write very well, and it is quite evident in the random strings of thoughts in this blog. And maybe I’m completely wrong and life is a toilet just waiting to be flushed. But do you really want to believe that?



"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." -Henry David Thoreau